Loki Odinson-Laufeyson (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ihasanarmy) wrote2012-06-05 01:27 pm
ihasanarmy) wrote2012-06-05 01:27 pm
Log: Finally giving in
Who: Loki and Odin
Where: Palace of Asgard, Odin's chamber.
When: Late evening, as to not be disturbed.
What's this about: Loki finally decided to give in and go see his father, after Sigyn informs him she's with child.
Two months, two months in Asgard was not truly that long. However when one is avoiding the two who raised him like they have the plague and constantly spending time hidden away on Midgard to further add to his avoiding of said parents made it seem like sand was just slowly trickling through the hour glass.
'Loki! Your mother has done you no wrong! Go see her!'
'Loki, you can not avoid them forever!'
'Father won't live forever, make amends'
'I am with child, your child. Make peace with them before this life is brought to the world.'
All words he had heard in the last week alone. He did not want to do it. He did not want to be here standing outside Odin's door, as he had refused to go to the throne room where an audience might be seated listening to every word. Loki did not expect this to go well at all, part of him hoped that if this went as bad as he expected in his head for it to go that when he is banished they at least let him take Sigyn so that none will know of his child and it could grow without the fear of being cast out like the lost brothers and sister it may never come to know.
Things that in the past Loki let side and didn't think much on now ate at him from the very depths of his soul. Part of him wanted to just walk away again as he had the two other nights he had stood before this door hoping to have an audience with Odin... This time though he was sure Thor and Sigyn were waiting at the end of the hall for him if he did.
Finally he raised a hand knocking upon the door, making sure his head was held high and his eyes betrayed the emotional battle in his mind and heart he made sure he looked as unemotional as he could muster. He was the liesmith after all. His eyes should not betray him this time. He was not even sure why he had to apologize to Odin. He did no wrong in his mind.
Where: Palace of Asgard, Odin's chamber.
When: Late evening, as to not be disturbed.
What's this about: Loki finally decided to give in and go see his father, after Sigyn informs him she's with child.
Two months, two months in Asgard was not truly that long. However when one is avoiding the two who raised him like they have the plague and constantly spending time hidden away on Midgard to further add to his avoiding of said parents made it seem like sand was just slowly trickling through the hour glass.
'Loki, you can not avoid them forever!'
'Father won't live forever, make amends'
'I am with child, your child. Make peace with them before this life is brought to the world.'
All words he had heard in the last week alone. He did not want to do it. He did not want to be here standing outside Odin's door, as he had refused to go to the throne room where an audience might be seated listening to every word. Loki did not expect this to go well at all, part of him hoped that if this went as bad as he expected in his head for it to go that when he is banished they at least let him take Sigyn so that none will know of his child and it could grow without the fear of being cast out like the lost brothers and sister it may never come to know.
Things that in the past Loki let side and didn't think much on now ate at him from the very depths of his soul. Part of him wanted to just walk away again as he had the two other nights he had stood before this door hoping to have an audience with Odin... This time though he was sure Thor and Sigyn were waiting at the end of the hall for him if he did.
Finally he raised a hand knocking upon the door, making sure his head was held high and his eyes betrayed the emotional battle in his mind and heart he made sure he looked as unemotional as he could muster. He was the liesmith after all. His eyes should not betray him this time. He was not even sure why he had to apologize to Odin. He did no wrong in his mind.
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After his sentence had been completed, Odin had tried to reach out to Loki, but found that he and his wife were being avoided. Something that had saddened him greatly as he did want to make peace his son. A couple of times he had felt the lingering presence of Loki, hesitating at his door but he remained silent, allowing him to bide his time and make a decision.
A small smile found his lips when finally on the third night, there was a knock. Truly he hoped that they would be able to find common ground and that finally his family might be whole again.
"You may enter." He spoke firmly, still seated by the fire in his chambers with a book resting upon his lap.
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Those other nights he did not suspect his wife and brother to be lingering near to make sure he finally passed th treshold of his father's chamber. He had honestly wished to speak to Frigga first and perhaps have her with him as he had always been closer to her but that did not work out as he wished. Instead when he heard the voice he took a deep breath letting it out before pushing the door open and stepping inside closing it behind him.
He had his head held high but bowed the moment he saw his father. He was at the point of not considering Odin his father but just his king. It made his anger easier on him. He was not truly his child anyway, just something stolen... He looked at the man with those green eyes of his.
"Thor informed me you wished to see me, sire." He spoke formally but did not wish to call him father for now.
Sorry journal switch fail there
"Did he now?" Odin asked simply with a raise of his eyebrow. "Come, take a seat. Let us talk." He added after a moment, pointing to the chair that Frigga usually sat. His age and the wear of the years certainly showing on his face. He had already been tired at the time he had planned to let Thor take the throne, but that plan had obviously fell through as did the next one, which would have placed his youngest on the throne as more than King regent.
He had been so blind to one son's shortcomings and the other's pain. Something he would always regret, though what could he truly do? His children were not just his and Frigga's, they belonged to whole of Asgard as well. He could still remember the day that Thor was presented to the Realm and the following year when he had brought Loki home and presented him to the realm just the same. Both sons had been celebrated back then and the Allfather could not have been prouder.
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"That he did, earlier this eve even. He and Lady Sigyn both have come to me asking for me to come to see you at your request." He spoke as if he were answering someone of higher command instead of the man who had taken care of him his whole life, saved him the many times his mischief would have had his head looped off. He had been truly lucky for Odin caring for him but finding out most of what he believed to be a lie made little things he had ignored damn near unbearable. Had it not been for Jane speaking to him so often about the things that eat at him he might not have even agreed to come.
"If you wish it, sire." He spoke moving to take a seat where his mother usually sat, he could remember being a boy and sitting before this very spot on the floor while she read him stories. It was truly on her that he had gained such a love of reading and the mysteries of everything around him. Thor was more after the Allfather while Loki was more like Frigga in his curiosity.
Loki as he always had tried to mask his emotions, the fear of making things worse, the anger at the lies and betrayal he felt had been done to him. The younger son was also very nervous about another child being on the way. He knew that Odin had cast his children out in the name of helping Asgard because of a prophecy but it was still something that pained him and made him so very nervous of his spawn growing inside of Sigyn. Enough so that he planned to take her to Midgard the moment she started showing until the babe was born to keep her from all eyes of Asgard.
He always felt eyes were upon him because he was thought of as Odin's child. That's why everything had pressure to it. Now sitting before that man whom always seemed so powerful looking so tired he felt a little bad holding up the formal air, yet he still did. "What is it you would like to speak of?"
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"Afraid this talk is long overdue, but we must have it nonetheless." Odin continued, determined to see this conversation through. "I know you have been angry with me for the secrets I have kept, but you must know that I do love you. I have no excuses, I was blind to your pain but I never thought less of you because you were born Jotunn."
His words were frank and sincere. Likely one of the only times Loki would ever hear his father admit to any mistakes he has made.
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"You look very tired maybe you should be resting instead of wasting your time on a jotun misfit." He spoke his words a little harsh but sometimes Loki didn't know how to let something go, He needed to and Odin's words made something ping inside of him he looked away the moment his father spoke the words of love for him. He could not hear them, he could not accept that the man had truly cared for him. "Your secrets? Your secrets are not all that I was angry about, It was that I was never good enough for you, sire. I always had to work harder be better and I still never measured up to your perfect Aesir son... It all made sense when you told me I was a discarded monster."
Yes that was harsh and it was one of the only times he had heard his father admit he was wrong but the emotion in Loki's tone...that was his hurt bleeding through. At least he was getting through to him. "They call me the prince of lies...at least I know where I got it from then."
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"And who are you to say that I never thought you good enough? I've indulged you many things over the years. I have never expected you to be as Thor, as you are night to his day. He a warrior, you a sorcerer. Together you have always complimented each other." Odin spoke further, raising his voice as he did so.
"Do not blame me, because you put pressure on yourself where you need not have! I have never demanded you be a warrior. The only demands that I have ever placed on you were for the good of the entire realm. But this notion that somehow my not singing your praises for every little thing you accomplish has got to stop!" He practically thundered back at Loki. His energy waning, but obviously doing a better job of keeping himself fully involved in this confrontation.
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"I say it because I have been in his massive shadow for longer then I care to remember. YES! We are vastly different but that does not mean that I could not have been a good king had you simply given me the chance!" Loki's voice was starting to raise higher now That pride not allowing him to back down. "You said yourself you never believed in me!" The twisting of Odin's words at the Byfrost. He had taken it wrong... he always took things wrong when it came to Odin's words.
"IN THIS WORLD NOT BEING A WARRIOR IS THE SAME AS BEING A WOMAN!" He shouted back at his father now, his eyes burning. "Singing of praises! You've never once cared for anything I've accomplished! NOTHING I DO IS ANYTHING COMPARED TO HOW YOU FEEL FOR THOR'S LITTLEST DEEDS!" He'd feel really REALLY bad if Odin passed out again. However he couldn't back down not now that he was letting it out.
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"You are the one who put yourself in that shadow! Trying to be something you were not! Yes, maybe you could have been a good king, and I had thought to make you my official heir after Thor had been banished. But your own instability proved to be your undoing!" Odin's own pride definitely playing a part in keeping him from collapsing this time around.
"YET I NEVER PRESSED FOR YOU TO BE A WARRIOR!" he emphasized again. "I NEVER SAID I DIDN'T BELIEVE IN YOU EITHER! BUT WHAT IN THE NINE REALMS MADE YOU THINK THAT MURDERING LAUFEY AND SETTING THE BIFROST ON JOTUNHEIM WAS SOMETHING I WOULD APPROVE OF?!" Odin bellowed right back, not even close to backing down as he could be just as or even more so stubborn than Loki.
"THAT'S ABSOLUTELY NONSENSE AND YOU ARE TWISTING REALITY TO SUIT YOUR OWN INSECURITIES! BUT THEN YOU WERE ALWAYS THE ONE TO GIVE YOUR MOTHER ALL THE CREDIT EVEN WHEN IT WAS I WHO GAVE YOU YOUR FIRST SPELL BOOK! HOW DARE YOU SIT THERE AND ACT AS IF ALL I EVER DID WAS PRAISE THOR." Odin continued to shout, almost on the verge of standing up.
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"ANY INSTABILITY I HAVE IS THE FAULT OF YEARS OF HAVING TO LET THINGS GO THAT PLAGUED ME BECAUSE I WAS THE KINGS SON!" He snapped back at him but he stayed silent a good long moment just letting Odin yell at him as those words sank in...Odin was going to let him be king? What.
"KILLING LAUFEY WAS MY OWN DOING FOR LEAVING ME TO DIE!" He snapped back his voice finally dropping done "To destroy Jotunheim was to erase what was left of the Frost Giants to rid the world of knowing what I truly was! I just want to show you I can do something of MY OWN!"
Loki had to learn it from someone after all, when he spoke of Frigga getting all the credit Loki's temper started to flair back up again as he pushed out of the chair standing to point at his father "THAT'S BECAUSE SHE ALWAYS LOVED ME! SHE KNEW HOW TO TREAT US AS EQUALS! TO THIS DAY YOU STILL HUG AND CONGRADULATE THOR WHEN IS THE LAST TIME YOU TRIED TO EMBRACE ME BEFORE I WAS BROUGHT HOME CHAINED AND MUZZLED!" SO maybe he felt unloved.
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"There was a time, I could simply hold you in my arms and you would stop crying, be it a babe or a young boy. But as you and your brother got older, I saw how different you were and tried to encourage what you both excelled at. I wanted you both to be learn how to rule and be good kings, but clearly I was misguided. If both my sons learned nothing of the lessons I tried to teach them. Thor with his impatience, you with your jealousy." Finally he released his grasp on Loki and took a step back.
"If you truly believe that I have failed you as a father, then so be it." He said, his voice showing the same pain it once held when he had banished Thor to Earth. Not mistaking that pain or hurt.
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"Mother was always there for me, She told me she wanted you to tell me the truth so why did you keep it from me, father?" He spoke finally calling him by father once more looking up the green eyes full of hurt. "All I ever wanted to do was make you proud, I could have been a great king, I still can." He spoke almost too low.
The words stung when Odin spoke them but he knew it to be truth. Looking down at the mans back he stood still looking at him in the sad way. "I did learn from you, I learned a great deal from you... I respected you and still do it simply pains me to know my life has been such a lie....befitting that I be the liesmith born and raised to all of these lies." He added.
"I....I am sorry Father. I have been childish and immature, I unjustly blame you for my own feelings..." Loki sat back down in his mothers chair a hand going up to his forehead as he looked to the fire. "Father... I need you to sit, there is something we must talk about and I cant promise I wont get angry again but I have to tell you."
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"Oh my son, I know that you did. Yes, there were times I was disappointed with the choices both you and Thor have made, but I was always proud of both my sons." His words heartfelt and sincere, despite what others would think of him, the Allfather was not so cruel to be heartless, nor was his love so small that only one person could be recipient. No, he did indeed love his family and though he had to make some tremendously hard decisions that he knew hurt them from time to time, it was his duty as King to put the realm first.
"Loki, your whole life was not a lie. Yes, you are a liesmith, but you are also my intelligent and cunning son." He told him, there was a reason he never fully discouraged Loki's scheming as he knew it to be a useful skill and one that had saved his son's life more than a handful of times. Though perhaps in retrospect he should have given his son, more direction with where to point his schemes and lie spinning.
With things calming down, Odin sat as requested, looking at Loki intently. "Very well, whatever it is you need to tell me. Speak it and I shall hear you out."
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"Truly?" He asked looking to the Allfather, it felt like it had been forever since he had heard someone say that they were proud of him, namely after the whole attack on Midgard. "It feels as if it has been, I can not change how I feel. Plus someone has to be intelligent for half the time Thor does not think he simply acts. How often have I had to use my cunning to save both our necks?" Though it was just as easy to say how many times had Loki's mischief put them in those situations.
It might have helped in the long run but it was too late Loki's lies were already rooted into his being. WHen Odin sat Loki reached out picking up some random trinket to busy his hands with, it was something he did when he was nervous. "I had truly thought hard on not telling you this and running off for good." He admitted to start this heavy conversation. "But if peace we wants then I must be honest. Sigyn is with child." He spoke as he messed with the trinket in his hand. "She will have a child of Loki." He felt he had good reason to fear telling Odin this.
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"As I recall, both you and he excelled at getting each other into trouble." There was a brief flash of amusement on the Allfather's face as he remembered the times he had to reprimand them both for reckless behavior or the numerous times complaints and demands for compensation were brought to his feet because of the actions taken by the sons of Odin. Likely another reason, why he was so slow to see the pain that Loki kept locked away from everyone.
Odin silently sighed as he listened to his son, recalling the day that he was forced to past down judgement on his grandchildren. A sorrowful day that he replayed in his mind numerous times throughout the centuries. Some thought his actions were strictly driven by fear of what those children would become. They were half right, that his actions were driven by fear, but the fear was of losing his son forever. How he wished he could explain in detail to Loki, why he had to banish them, but most of the details of the prophecy were not meant to spoken to anyone else.
He leaned forward in his chair, reaching out to grab Loki's hands, taking the trinket away and still his son's nervous movements. "Congratulations, to you and your wife, my son." He said simply, giving his son's hands a reassuring squeeze.